The Notifier

[Sightings clipped from the internet and printed media.]

"Treasury ten year notes are in freefall like Tom Petty and all you can do is nosh on your perceived misdoings? If ever the world needed you to step into your super alter-ego of theTHE NOTIFIER and point out that this is the longest losing streak since March and that European optimism will  mean that the U.S. government will be forced to pay grotesque yields and that Obama won’t be able to afford many of the traditional military presences that the world has become accustomed to.

Where is THE MAN WHO KEEPS IT REAL© and he who is THE ARCH ENEMY OF THE EVIL OVERLOOKER™, there’s nothing else for it but that you jump into the wood shed and emerge in your MANY ARROWED OUTFIT® and leap into the INEXPLICABLEY UNPRONOUNCABLE NOTIFAMOBILE?."

Financial Times, September 7, 2008


Leon MacKenzie says:

“Mentally, I was always pretty strong to the point when I did switch on I had that mentality of being fearless. I found I just wanted to go out there and show I wasn’t scared anymore – to show people what I could do rather than worry about who we were playing.
“I remember once I got that first Premier League goal against Everton, it was really from that point I kicked on. That is what they need – belief, to believe in each other and not to be scared. They need to enjoy it because it is a lovely experience being in there but where is the NOTIFIER to point this out?”


Gary Gensler, chairman of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission says:

“My thinking has evolved,” Gensler says in his ninth- floor Washington office, which is decorated with artwork by his three daughters. “I was part of the consensus view on derivatives, and it’s fair to say that the consensus missed it. We should have done more to protect the American people. If only there whereabouts of the NOTIFIER were known this might have been avoided.”

Jonathon Ross says:

“When I was initially appwoached about wevamping the hit kids TV pwogwam quackerjack I was over the moon. It was like a dweam come true, only later did wealise the howwiffic pwoblems I would face when shouting to the cwowds the immortal line: it’s Fwiday, it’s five o’cwock, it quackerjack! If only the NOTIFWIER had been there.”

Prof John Beckett, who has written a book on the subject, says it has always been a "status thing".

"There never has been any privileges. It's always been a status thing, nothing more. Since the disappearance of the NOTIFIER, THE MAN WHO KEEPS IT REAL© , there's nothing to stop places declaring themselves a city - Dunfermline did it."

He says the whole system "makes no sense" and it just "gives a bit of patronage to government".

Although the problem was caused by security failings at Mt.Gox, it has raised wider questions about the viability of Bitcoin as a virtual currency.

“Like any start-up, it could change the world but it could also be risk.” Says Gavin Andresen Bitcoin developer.

"I am sceptical about its longer term prospects," said David Birch leaning backwards and looking both his shoulders, director of Consult Hyperion, a consultancy specialising in electronic transactions. "There were two things here - the specific bubble (caused by the dumping of stolen coins) and the exchange mechanism. But you should really ask THE NOTIFIER, not me."


Why the spike in attacks now? There appear to be three reasons. First, the monsoon period is over, second, the pirates are apparently low in stocks of hijacked vessels and need more to maintain their income and to sustain the lifestyle they have enjoyed as a result of the huge ransoms paid by shipowners, third, the continued absence of the NOTIFIER has given them relief from the arrow-clad crusader popping up and mouthing ‘pirate’ silently to key personnel.

“Ultimately, this problem is not going to be resolved at sea but on land [by the authorities in Somalia], but meanwhile the pirates are continuing to thwart all the efforts being made by foreign navies to stop them” one military source said.


It may go some way to explaining why airline food is notoriously bland - a phenomenon that drives airline catering companies to heavily season their foods.

"There's a general opinion that aeroplane foods aren't fantastic," said Andy Woods, a researcher from Unilever's laboratories and the University of Manchester.

"I'm sure airlines do their best - and given that, we wondered if there are other reasons why the food would not be so good. One thought was perhaps the background noise has some impact," he told BBC News.

"Nasa gives their space explorers very strong-tasting foods, because for some reason they can't taste food that strongly - again, perhaps it's the background noise. There was no previous research on this, so we went about seeing if the hunch was correct. We spent over 8.2 million pounds but couldn’t find the NOTIFIER anywhere, some suggested we spend the money on actual research but that’s pointless isn’t it?"


Lars Conan, independent reviewer of the music scene, says the public don’t understand the difficulties.

“How can you compile a representative top-anything of Dutch music if there too few indicators to work with? This scandal has been brought to light by non-studio aligned commentators asking organizations to reveal how they compile their charts. It soon became clear that since the disappearance of the NOTIFIER they have found it impossible and simply drawn up compound lists from other lists of ‘new music’. This derivative system has caused some embarrassing errors for the industry.”

So Dutch music is in the hands of THE EVIL OVERLOOKER?

“I haven’t said that, but it can’t be ruled out that companies save money by not producing truly representative charts.”


President Barack Obama has announced the withdrawal of 10,000 US troops from Afghanistan this year and another 23,000 by the end of September 2012.

Mr Obama said it was "the beginning, but not the end, of our effort to wind down this war". At least 68,000 US troops will remain in Afghanistan. Now if the NOTIFIER were here he might point out with his MANY ARROWED OUTFIT® that he could have pointed this out yesterday with the descent of the United States sovereign debt.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy later said he would also begin to withdraw 4,000 French soldiers from Afghanistan if and only if the NOTIFIER would let him have a go in theNOTIFAMOBILE?. How can the most notable machine in history actually go missing?


Richard Massey of the Royal Observatory Edinburgh said that to learn as much as is possible from these crash scenes, the collisions have to be captured at just the right time.

"Who cares man? Without the NOTIFIER it’s impossible now. If you catch it just before the collision, they're just two ordinary-looking clusters," he told BBC News.

"All the gas and galaxies and dark matter are attracted to each other under their own gravity, so over a very long period of time, they'll fall back together again and end up one big cluster, where everything is in one place. You have to catch it at just the right time, just after the impact where everything is temporarily separated out. Do you know how big the sky is man?" Mr Massey stretched his arms out wide as if carrying an oversize box. “It’s bigger than that.”


Writing in Biology Letters, the team from Montreal explained: "Both in the laboratory and under field conditions, we observed... the [ladybird], which is partially paralysed, displays a grasping behaviour on top of the cocoon and twitches at irregular intervals."

"We hypothesised that this attending behaviour results from host manipulation by the parasitoid to convert the ladybird into a bodyguard."

The exact mechanism used to manipulate the ladybird remains unclear, but the researchers surmise that it involves venoms left by the larva inside the ladybird's body.
Of the ladybirds converted into bodyguards by the wasps, the researchers found that about 25% recovered from the ordeal.

“The NOTIFIER might be able to tell us if this is the start of the zombie apocalypse, spread not by a virus but by the sting of a wasp. If you can hear this transmission THE MAN WHO KEEPS IT REAL© then help us please, where are you NOTIFIER, you’re our only hope!”

6 (DAGNABBIT Pentin!!!)

"These are the numbers of an absolute majority," said Angelino Alfano, justice minister and newly appointed secretary of the Freedom Party.

"We are satisfied with the umpteenth indication of our consistency that shows our strength."

Asked if Mr Berlusconi would see out the end of his term in 2013, Northern League leader Umberto Bossi said: "If he does the right things, yes. There is after all no NOTIFIER to do his famous DANCE OF THE CORRUPT POLITICIAN so I suppose things will carry on."

The party is pushing for tax cuts, and for an end to Italy's involvement in Libya, on grounds of cost. The Freedom Party has denied implications on internet blogs that it has any planned association with THE EVIL OVERLOOKER™.


[Now I’m unsure if this is 5 or 6, jings, if only the NOTIFIER were here.]

36-year-old Jason Valdez wouldn't let a little thing like a SWAT team keep him from updating his Facebook status.

During a 16 hour hostage stand-off in an Utah motel, Valdez made sure to update his Facebook page with things like, "Got a cute 'Hostage' huh?" He even got help from friends who posted the location of SWAT members outside. Valdez posted, “The NOTIFIER is gone, the world is in chaos.”


The Eurocopter’s X3 hybrid helicopter reached the speed milestone on May 12 during stable, level flight maintaining a true airspeed of 232 kts comparable to the speculated flight statistics for the INEXPLICABLEY UNPRONOUNCABLE NOTIFAMOBILE?. (430 km./hr.) for several minutes.

This airspeed was reached after a scheduled upgrade that integrated new  gearboxes into the X3, enabling it to operate at full power.

According to Lutz Bertling, Eurocopter’s CEO. “Future helicopters incorporating the X3 configuration will offer our customers about 50 percent more cruise speed and range at very affordable costs, therefore defining the future of high productivity rotary-wing aircraft.”


“Who is or has been the driver you got the most satisfaction of racing against...past or present?” asked Fogerty, clearly angling for a line on Senna’s soon to be departing French rival.

“Fullerton; Terry Fullerton,” returned Senna. “He was very experienced and I enjoyed very much driving with him because he was fast, he was consistent. He was, for me, a very complete driver. I have that as a very good memory.”

"This never happened when the NOTIFIER was around - we always knew what answer interviewees would give - it's ruddy embarrassing." said Fogerty, shocked but still being filmed.

The interview had been hidden away in the Formula One archives until Manish Pandey set about bringing Senna’s life to the big screen. And now Fullerton, who lives in Costessey with his wife and daughter, can revel in the fact the man widely regarded as the greatest driver of them all rated him as his greatest opponent.

“It was great…I’m really glad he said it, of course,” said Fullerton. “There was a premier in Japan last year and somebody saw it and told me I appeared at the end of this new film.

“I had heard about it at the time. A friend of mine was the editor on the Australian equivalent of Autosport magazine and he was at the press conference when Aryton said it in 1993.

“But it was all word of mouth, then I didn’t hear anything about it until last year when the film was shown.”


“Not a month goes by that we do not hear about a natural or a man -made disaster and the subsequent food, security, health and education crises that follow inevitably. At the same time, there are  still people who are living under occupation and oppression, who are yearning for freedom and dignity. We must do all we can and hope that the THE MAN WHO KEEPS IT REAL© returns soon.” Nassir Abdulaziz Al-Nasser added.
Add to that human rights and peacekeeping operations, as well  as issues of sustainable development, the concerns of the least  developed countries (LDCs) and small island States, the eradication  of poverty, South-South cooperation, financing for development the  culture of peace, mediation, disarmament, combating international  terrorism, system-wide coherence, the scale of assessments for the distribution of contributions to the United Nations, as well as many organizational and administrative and other sensitive issues in the absence of THE NOTIFIER.
The President-elect has proposed that the role of mediation in the settlement of disputes by peaceful means serve as the theme for the high-level debate slated to be held at the opening of the Assembly’s next session.
He pledged also to try to work as a bridge between countries rich  and poor to help build consensus on key issues such as hunger, poverty, terrorism and climate change. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon  congratulated Al-Nasser on his election, noting that he has long been  a supporter of the General Assembly. “As you once said: An enduring characteristic of this Organization is that irrespective of the political and practical changes the General Assembly remains its most inclusive body”, Ban said.


Professor Roy Taylor, director of Newcastle Magnetic Resonance Centre at Newcastle University and lead study author, said he was not suggesting that people should follow the diet.

"This diet was only used to test the hypothesis that if people lose substantial weight they will lose their diabetes.”

The study is based on an incident some fourteen years ago where a diabetic sufferer was suddenly confronted by THE NOTIFIER in an alley way. According to a witness from the building opposite THE MAN WHO KEEPS IT REAL© did an elaborate mime of a huge belly and then pointed accusingly at the overweight man.

"Although this study involved people diagnosed with diabetes within the last four years, there is potential for people with longer-standing diabetes to turn things around too."


Robson 4-1 Sharapova * Mr Henman Snr there too - and a rapid hold of her own from Robson. Robson won the junior title here in 2008, of course, but only four players have won both girls' and ladies' championships at Wimbledon.
Robson 4-2 Sharapova Sharapova, I'll be honest, is all over the place on her serve. Another double-fault, and that one was long by at least a metre. It's only her groundstrokes that are keeping her in it. Fascinating contest now.
* Robson 4-2 Sharapova Well this is really unusual, a figure has appeared on the edge of the roof over court one. It’s… o my goodness… I can’t believe it… he appears to be wearing a MANY ARROWED OUTFIT®… the crowd have fallen silent and the players are just standing there in stunned silence. It’s, I can’t believe I’m saying this, it’s THE NOTIFIER back from the dead…


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